Hit the Showers | Gallery | Transcript |
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[The episode opens with Bradley taking his gym bag out of his locker.]
Bradley: [sighs] Another day, another gym class.
Stacy: It’s like taking class in your underwear.
[Stacy and Bradley sniff the air and waft it as Russell walks past them.]
Stacy: Oh, man!
Bradley: [groans] Take cover!
[Russell walks over to his locker and puts his hand on the handle, about to open it. A kid looks at him.]
Stacy: [offscreen] Russell’s going for his gym bag!
Alien #2: Oh, man. What’s that funky smell?
Alien #1: I am going to hurl.
Alien #2: You win this round, earthlings, but we will return.
[The imagine spot ends as Russell turns to look at Stacy and Bradley, clearly irritated.]
Russell: What?
Bradley: Whoa. That was close!
Stacy: Wish he'd get new gym socks.
Bradley: Oh, man, that's the part of gym class I hate the worst!
Stacy and Bradley: The showers!
Bradley: The guys have to cram in there all at once.
Stacy: Girls, too. There's no privacy. It's humiliating!
Bradley: I've got it, Stace! If I don't sweat, I won't have to take a shower, right?
Stacy: Yeah, right. Whoever heard of not sweating in Mr. Lederhosen's gym class?
Lance: Nice socks, dork.
[A vulture Lance and Russell circle above Dill.]
Russell: Yeah, nice socks.
Dill: [offscreen] Holy mackerel!
Lance: A little more to the left.
[Mr. Lederhosen blows his whistle from offscreen.]
Dill: Hey!
Mr. Lederhosen: Alright, people! Jumping jacks! Let's get that circulation going! And I want to see you sweat!
[Everyone does jumping jacks, except for Bradley, who moves his arms up and down.]
Bradley: Not.
[Mr. Lederhosen passes by each student. They are all sweating.]
Mr. Lederhosen: Good! Good! Very good!
[Mr. Lederhosen holds his nose as he walks by Russell.]
Mr. Lederhosen: Well done, Ms. Stickler.
Bradley: It's 'cause you've whipped me into such great shape, Mr. Lederhosen, sir! A hundred jumping jacks are no sweat for the buff man!
Mr. Lederhosen: Now that's what fitness is all about!
[Bradley glances at Stacy smugly.]
Mr. Lederhosen: Looks like we're going to have to whip the rest of you into peak shape, like Bradley here. I wanna see two hundred more jumping jacks.
[Everyone groans.]
Lance: Aw, man.
Mr. Lederhosen: Let's go! Double time!
Stacy: Nice plan, B-Man.
[Lance pants as he wrings sweat out of his shirt.]
Lance: You’re… doomed… whew… Scrad… ley.
Russell: Yeah… doomed! [pants]
Mr. Lederhosen: Now because I'm feeling generous, I'll let one of you decide what the next exercise is gonna be.
Stacy: How about soccer, Mr. Lederhosen?
Mr. Lederhosen: Two words, Stickler: ho hum.
Ashley: Umm... power shopping?
Mr. Lederhosen: I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that, missy. Come on, people!
Lance: How about… dodgeball? The orb of ultimate doom.
Russell: Yeah, orb.
[Bradley gulps.]
Mr. Lederhosen: Dodgeball!
Lance: Lock onto him with a geek-seeking missile!
Russell: Yeah. It’s locked.
Lance: You’re doomed, Scradley.
Bradley: I don’t think so, Lance.
Russell: What?
Bradley: Ta-da! And once again, The Amazing Rubber Guy-
[A dodgeball hits Bradley in the groin offscreen. He moans loudly as he clutches it.]
Bradley: [pained] That hurt.
[Bradley falls to the floor with a thud. The imagination sequence ends and everyone circles around Bradley as he whimpers and squirms on the floor.]
Lance: Whoa! Direct hit!
Russell: Yeah, right in the luggage.
[Lance and Russell exchange glances and wince and groan as they grab their crotches sympathetically.]
Ashley: What’s with them? It’s not like he got hit in the face or anything.
Dill: Holy mackerel! Who done it?! That's what I'd like to know.
Stacy: Elementary, my dear Dill. And you don't have to shout.
Dill: Yeah, sure. I guess so.
[Stacy walks over to Lance and Russell.]
Stacy: Lance and Russell!
Russell: [yelling] What?
Lance: Yeah, but we all wanted to pound the dweeb for that.
[As Lance speaks, he swings his right arm. Russell copies his actions.]
[Bradley, Dill, Lance and Russell, imagined as pigs, squeal inside a pigpen. Russell rolls around in the mud.]
Bradley: [in a squealing tone] Very funny… not!
Russell: Quit looking.
[Pigs run across the screen, squealing.]
Lance: It’s alive!
Dill: You guys, we’re in the girl’s room!
Bradley: And man, what a dump!
Stacy: Look! It’s Russell’s smelly gym clothes!
Everyone: Yay! Yay! Alright!
Girls: Boys!
Boys: Girls!
[The boys and girls scream and run into their respective locker room. The camera pans to Russell, half-naked, as he walks over to his clothes and sloppily stuffs them inside his gym bag. Iris out on Russell as he covers his chest with his left hand and stares at the camera, embarrassed.]
Russell: Quit looking.
[The episode ends.]