Lance: Slime ‘em, dude!
[Lance and Russell take off their imagined swamp monster disguises. Lance growls and flexes his muscles.]
Russell: Yeah, grr.
[Lance and Russell run offscreen. Polly sits at a swing with Pepperoni on her lap.]
Polly: Uh oh, Pepperoni. Lance is displaying anti-social tendencies again.
Lance: Hey, Scradley. Ready for your pounding?
Russell: Yeah, pounding.
Bradley: Aw, come on, Lance. Give me a break.
Russell: Yeah, break.
[Lance smiles.]
Lance: Sure thing, Scradley. I’ll give you a break.
Polly [offscreen]: Lance!
Russell: It’s your sister.
Lance: Half-sister. [turns to Polly] What?
Polly: The use of violence is not an appropriate way to deal with your frustrations, you know?
Lance: Get lost, squirt. I’ve got some serious pounding to do here.
[Bradley shrugs and smiles at Polly.]
Polly: I'm afraid I'm going to have to take a more proactive role in resolving this situation.
Lance: Hey! Back off, squirt! I'm warning you!
Lance: Cut it out, man!
[Lance yells and runs offscreen. Russell turns to Stacy and Bradley as the light is turned back on.]
Russell: What?
[Russell leaves.]
Polly: I’d like to remind you, it wouldn’t be nice to take advantage of another person’s phobias for your own personal enjoyment.
Stacy: Lance is afraid of the dark!
[A foghorn blares. Bradley sniffs the air and pulls the visor of his helmet over his eyes.]
Bradley: Verily. Gadzooks, what is yon funky smell?
Russell: [English accent] What?
Mr. Doddler: Hey, you’d be a bit gamey, too, if your plumbing was on the fritz all week.
Stanley: No problem, everyone. I’ll get right on it.
Mr. Doddler: That’s more like it.
Stella: Finally!
Mrs. Salazar [offscreen]: Bueno, bueno. (Translation: Good, good.)
[Lance and Russell are standing at the pool.]
Lance: What about the pool, man?
Stacy: Hey, Lance! Bradley says you play with teddy bears!
Lance: That does it! Prepare for a pounding, Scradley!
Stacy: Do you promise never to pound Scrad- I mean, Bradley again?
Lance: I promise, man! I promise!
Lance: Yeah, sure, whipped cream!
Stacy: Don’t push it, Bradley!
Lance: Let me out of here!
[Lance runs offscreen. Russell walks over to Bradley and Stacy.]
Russell: Whoa, that’s harsh.
Bradley: It wasn’t me.
[Bradley turns on a flashlight.]
Stacy: A flashlight! Good thinking, B-Man!
Lance: And all the better to pound you with, Scradley.
[Bradley turns off the flashlight. Lance screams.]
Lance: Okay, okay! I was just kidding! Turn it on!
Bradley: Uh oh, Lance. Something’s coming.
Stella: Stacy, have you seen your father? Stanley!
Mr. Doddler: It’s mighty hot in here.
[Dill looks around and stares.]
Dill: You guys! Is it dark down here, or what? I mean, who knows what kind of hideous monsters with big, long razor-sharp fangs-
Stacy: [shouting] Dill! You’re freaking me out.
Lance: I gotta get out of here! It’s too dark, man!
Russell [offscreen]: There, there. It’s okay.
[Lance looks around. A squish is heard.]
Lance: Whoa, dude. Are you… holding my hand?
Russell: Yeah. Feel better?
[As Russell says this, his eyes widen. Lance screams and runs offscreen.]
Mrs. Salazar: ¿Dónde estamos? (Translation: Where are we?)
Stella: I think we’re in the sub-basement.
Dill: We’re in the sub… sub… sub-basement! Holy mackerel!
Shadow of Ultimate Darkness: [laughs] Time for a light snack!
[The monster holds Stacy to its mouth. Lance runs in the dark, with Russell running after him.]
Russell: Hey, wait up!
Lance: Hey, I did it, man! I pounded the Shadow of Ultimate Darkness. I pounded him and it was nothing! Nothing, man!
[Stella and Mrs. Salazar clap for Lance. Lance flexes his muscles triumphantly.]
Lance: Alright! [laughs] I’m getting rid of my night light!
Stella: Stanley, you actually fixed the fuse box. I’m proud of you.
Dill: Yeah, we thought we were gonna get stuck down here forever!
Stanley: [dazed] No problem.
[Stanley faints. Mrs. Salazar and Mr. Doddler support him.]
Mr. Doddler: I always said you were a brave young fella.
Polly [offscreen]: Stacy!
Russell: [rolls eyes] It’s your sister.
[Polly drags Pepperoni across the floor.]
Lance [offscreen]: Half-sister.
Polly: It was very nice of you and Bradley to help my brother overcome his unnatural fear of the dark.
[Russell walks upstairs and puts his finger on the light switch.]
Russell: Yeah, free therapy.
Lance: Yeah. Thanks, Scradley.
[Lance squints his left eye. He walks over to Bradley as Russell turns the light switch off from offscreen.]
Bradley: You're welcome.
[Bradley yells as Lance growls and chases him. The camera zooms in on Polly and Stacy.]
Polly: I hope you've learned your lesson.
Stacy: Yeah, Polly, I think we’ve finally "seen" the light.
Bradley: Not funny, Stace!
[End.]