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Uncle Saggy is nothing man, I'm talking a real movie!
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Lance: Time for your pounding, Scradley.

Russell: Yeah, pounding.

Lance: [offscreen] Arr! Say yer prayers, Scradley.

Russell: [offscreen] Yeah, arr.

Bradley: If you guys pound me, you'll be making a big mistake.

Lance: Cool. We like mistakes.

Bradley: But if you pound me you'll never find out the secret location of the secret treasure.

Lance: What kind of treasure?

Bradley: You name it. Gold, silver, diamonds, Mr. Fizzy on ice...

[Lance and Russell smile at each other. Lance licks his lips.]

Lance: Mmmm.

Russell: Yeah, mmmm.

[Russell, Lance and Bradley stick their heads out of a bush, licking their lips.]

Boys: Mmmm...

[They frown as they see girls, dressed up as mermaids, at the swimming pool, chatting and giggling.]

Lance: Girls? We ain’t going to no girl party, Scradley!

Russell: Yeah, unmanly.

Bradley: Girl party? Is that a girl’s cake?

Bradley: Is that a girls’ swimming pool?

[Lance and Russell pant like dogs.]

Bradley: Are those girls’ presents?

Doll: Will you be my friend?

[A doll walks across the screen.]

Doll: Ma-ma.

[Lance and Russell frown at Bradley.]

Bradley: [shrugs] Okay, forget the presents.

Stanley: [offscreen] Ice cream anyone?

[Stanley walks by the pool, carrying a tray of ice cream.]

Girls: Yeah!

[Lance and Russell pant like dogs.]

Bradley: Is that… girls’ ice cream?

Russell: Yeah.

Melody: Time to play “Pin the Tail on the Humpback!”

Polly: I made Moby spew!

[Lance appears beside the easel, wearing a mermaid bra and tail.]

Lance: [speaking in a high-pitched tone] Ain’t it about time for ice cream now, dudes?

Russell: [speaking in a high-pitched tone] Yeah, pistachio!

[Stacy and Melody frown.]

Stacy: Hmmm?

[Stacy raises an eyebrow as Lance and Russell shrug and smile at her nervously.]

Polly: Has anyone seen my crustaceans?

Bradley: Come on, girls. Let’s party!

Russell: Yeah! [giggles]

Stacy: Wait!

Stacy: You girls look so great in your mermaid costumes, I just got to get a photo. You know, for the school yearbook?

Russell: What?

Bradley: Yearbook?!

Lance: No way, man!

Stacy: Say cheese, ladies.

Lance: It’s over, man! She shot me! I’m doomed, dude!

[Lance drops Russell.]

Russell: Yeah, doomed.

Bradley: Quit bellyaching, men. This is war. It ain’t supposed to be pretty.

Russell: What?

Bradley: Now let’s move out!

[As Bradley yells, he sprays spit on Russell’s face. Russell wipes some off his left eye, like a tear.]

Lance: Okay, Scradley. But I'm only following you so I can give you a good pounding if this doesn’t work.

Bradley: Those mermaids are no match for us. We have the might and we have the right. The forces of justice will prevail!

Russell: Just what?

Bradley: Justice, soldier!

Lance: Of course it’s just us. You don’t see anybody else up here, do you, General Dweebly?

Bradley: [frustrated] No! It’s not just us, you guys!

Lance: It ain’t? So then where’s the other guys?

Russell: Yeah, where?

[Bradley throws his hat on the ground and stomps it angrily.]

Bradley: Justice!

Lance: Make up your mind, dude. [whispering to Russell] Scradley’s losing it, man. He must be cracking up under the pressure of the battle or something.

Russell: Yeah, cracking.

Bradley: Just put these on, all right?

Lance: Now you did it, Scradley.

Stacy: Boys.

Bradley: Go for it, men!

Bradley: Rip chords, men! Rip chords!

Lance: What gives? Where's the parachutes, man?

Bradley: We don't need parachutes for Operation U.W.

Lance: U.W.?

Bradley: Affirmative! U.W., as in underwater.

Lance: You're gonna pay for this, Scradley!

Melody: Bradley!

Stacy: This means war.

Bradley: That’s it, men. Follow me.

Lance: Get him!

Bradley: Welcome, gentlemen. I am Captain Bradlo. And this is the Nectarine, the world’s most advanced nuclear-powered underwater vessel. I have outfitted her with all the options. Torpedos, sonar, radar, tape deck…

[Bradley pulls a string hanging above him.]

Bradley: And most important of all, pine-scented Christmas tree air fresheners.

[Bradley sniffs an air freshener.]

Bradley: Whoa, man!

[Air fresheners appear above Russell. Bradley pulls at the string furiously until Russell is buried in air fresheners. Russell pops out of the pile.]

Russell: What?

[An air freshener falls on Russell’s head. Lance glares at Bradley angrily and rolls up the sleeve on his right arm as he approaches Bradley. Russell happily sniffs an air freshener.]

Lance: I’m gonna outfit you with a nuclear wedgie, Scradlo.

Bradley: Silence!

Bradley: We have reached our destination, the mysterious Mermaid Lagoon.

[Lance and Russell hug each other and scream.]

Lance: Turn back, Scradlo! We give up, dude!

Bradley: Never!

[Bradley grabs Russell and lifts him above his head.]

Russell: What?

Bradley: Taste Russell, mermaids!

Melody: Russell’s in the pool!

Girls: Ewwww!

Stacy: Forget it, Bradley. We girls know how to use our noodles.

Lance: Whoa, dude!

Russell: What?

Melody: They’ve polluted my party.

Stanley: No problem, kids. The Sludge Suck 3000 will get rid of this mess faster than you can say…

[Stacy tries to stop Stanley, but it’s too late.]

Lance: Hey!

Russell: What?

Bradley: Yeow!

Polly: There’s my crustaceans.

Stacy: Have fun, B-Man.

Lance: You’re gonna pay for this, Scradley!