Lance: Time for your pounding, Scradley.
Russell: Yeah, pounding.
Lance: [offscreen] Arr! Say yer prayers, Scradley.
Russell: [offscreen] Yeah, arr.
Bradley: If you guys pound me, you'll be making a big mistake.
Lance: Cool. We like mistakes.
Bradley: But if you pound me you'll never find out the secret location of the secret treasure.
Lance: What kind of treasure?
Bradley: You name it. Gold, silver, diamonds, Mr. Fizzy on ice...
[Lance and Russell smile at each other. Lance licks his lips.]
Lance: Mmmm.
Russell: Yeah, mmmm.
[Russell, Lance and Bradley stick their heads out of a bush, licking their lips.]
Boys: Mmmm...
[They frown as they see girls, dressed up as mermaids, at the swimming pool, chatting and giggling.]
Lance: Girls? We ain’t going to no girl party, Scradley!
Russell: Yeah, unmanly.
Bradley: Girl party? Is that a girl’s cake?
Bradley: Is that a girls’ swimming pool?
[Lance and Russell pant like dogs.]
Bradley: Are those girls’ presents?
Doll: Will you be my friend?
[A doll walks across the screen.]
Doll: Ma-ma.
[Lance and Russell frown at Bradley.]
Bradley: [shrugs] Okay, forget the presents.
Stanley: [offscreen] Ice cream anyone?
[Stanley walks by the pool, carrying a tray of ice cream.]
Girls: Yeah!
[Lance and Russell pant like dogs.]
Bradley: Is that… girls’ ice cream?
Russell: Yeah.
Melody: Time to play “Pin the Tail on the Humpback!”
Polly: I made Moby spew!
[Lance appears beside the easel, wearing a mermaid bra and tail.]
Lance: [speaking in a high-pitched tone] Ain’t it about time for ice cream now, dudes?
Russell: [speaking in a high-pitched tone] Yeah, pistachio!
[Stacy and Melody frown.]
Stacy: Hmmm?
[Stacy raises an eyebrow as Lance and Russell shrug and smile at her nervously.]
Polly: Has anyone seen my crustaceans?
Bradley: Come on, girls. Let’s party!
Russell: Yeah! [giggles]
Stacy: Wait!
Stacy: You girls look so great in your mermaid costumes, I just got to get a photo. You know, for the school yearbook?
Russell: What?
Bradley: Yearbook?!
Lance: No way, man!
Stacy: Say cheese, ladies.
Lance: It’s over, man! She shot me! I’m doomed, dude!
[Lance drops Russell.]
Russell: Yeah, doomed.
Bradley: Quit bellyaching, men. This is war. It ain’t supposed to be pretty.
Russell: What?
Bradley: Now let’s move out!
[As Bradley yells, he sprays spit on Russell’s face. Russell wipes some off his left eye, like a tear.]
Lance: Okay, Scradley. But I'm only following you so I can give you a good pounding if this doesn’t work.
Bradley: Those mermaids are no match for us. We have the might and we have the right. The forces of justice will prevail!
Russell: Just what?
Bradley: Justice, soldier!
Lance: Of course it’s just us. You don’t see anybody else up here, do you, General Dweebly?
Bradley: [frustrated] No! It’s not just us, you guys!
Lance: It ain’t? So then where’s the other guys?
Russell: Yeah, where?
[Bradley throws his hat on the ground and stomps it angrily.]
Bradley: Justice!
Lance: Make up your mind, dude. [whispering to Russell] Scradley’s losing it, man. He must be cracking up under the pressure of the battle or something.
Russell: Yeah, cracking.
Bradley: Just put these on, all right?
Lance: Now you did it, Scradley.
Stacy: Boys.
Bradley: Go for it, men!
Bradley: Rip chords, men! Rip chords!
Lance: What gives? Where's the parachutes, man?
Bradley: We don't need parachutes for Operation U.W.
Lance: U.W.?
Bradley: Affirmative! U.W., as in underwater.
Lance: You're gonna pay for this, Scradley!
Melody: Bradley!
Stacy: This means war.
Bradley: That’s it, men. Follow me.
Lance: Get him!
Bradley: Welcome, gentlemen. I am Captain Bradlo. And this is the Nectarine, the world’s most advanced nuclear-powered underwater vessel. I have outfitted her with all the options. Torpedos, sonar, radar, tape deck…
[Bradley pulls a string hanging above him.]
Bradley: And most important of all, pine-scented Christmas tree air fresheners.
[Bradley sniffs an air freshener.]
Bradley: Whoa, man!
[Air fresheners appear above Russell. Bradley pulls at the string furiously until Russell is buried in air fresheners. Russell pops out of the pile.]
Russell: What?
[An air freshener falls on Russell’s head. Lance glares at Bradley angrily and rolls up the sleeve on his right arm as he approaches Bradley. Russell happily sniffs an air freshener.]
Lance: I’m gonna outfit you with a nuclear wedgie, Scradlo.
Bradley: Silence!
Bradley: We have reached our destination, the mysterious Mermaid Lagoon.
[Lance and Russell hug each other and scream.]
Lance: Turn back, Scradlo! We give up, dude!
Bradley: Never!
[Bradley grabs Russell and lifts him above his head.]
Russell: What?
Bradley: Taste Russell, mermaids!
Melody: Russell’s in the pool!
Girls: Ewwww!
Stacy: Forget it, Bradley. We girls know how to use our noodles.
Lance: Whoa, dude!
Russell: What?
Melody: They’ve polluted my party.
Stanley: No problem, kids. The Sludge Suck 3000 will get rid of this mess faster than you can say…
[Stacy tries to stop Stanley, but it’s too late.]
Lance: Hey!
Russell: What?
Bradley: Yeow!
Polly: There’s my crustaceans.
Stacy: Have fun, B-Man.
Lance: You’re gonna pay for this, Scradley!